There Was No Secret Evil-Fighting Organization (srsly?!), So I Made One MYSELF!
世界の闇と戦う秘密結社が無いから作った（半ギレ）

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Chapter 8: Dark★Power

Volume 4: The Newly-Built Ancient Ruins

Although Amaterasu and Tsukuyomi started from different entrances at different locations, the two routes were designed to eventually meet up. As the only way to proceed from that point onwards was through an indestructible door that would only open suuuuuper slowly (telekinetically) after a lever was pulled, it didn’t matter whether Amaterasu or Tsukuyomi got there first; either way, the slower team would still catch up with the faster one, thus forcing a confrontation between the two.

If we didn’t set it up this way, it was very possible for the two secret organizations to finish this entire event missing each other by a hair’s breadth. As the team that got through the door could then proceed freely, it could be said that this was the true starting line of the race.

The first order of business, however, was to ensure that Tsukuyomi got their map.

As the pair walked on, Miyama strumming Osanpo March¹ and singing at the top of his lungs, I telekinetically manipulated a skeleton to —

[SAGO! SAGOOO! IT’S URGENT! SOMETHING CRAZY’S HAPPENED! COME QUICKLY! YOU’RE HOME, AREN’T YOU?!]

That very moment, I heard Ruu-denka’s flustered shouting and a frenzied banging using the knocker on the Kaburagi residence’s front door. My mind retreated from my clairvoyant senses within the ancient ruins to my actual body.

What? Something crazy? Urgent? What could be so urgent? Did she manage to break through her growth ceiling? No, wait, has her powers gone berserk?

I hadn’t the faintest idea what was going on, but since she said it was urgent, I had to hurry. She had gone to the trouble of coming all the way out here in person instead of just picking up the phone. Whatever it is that has happened, it must be of comparative weight.

“I have a bad feeling about this. I’ll go check it out.”

“Mm. Ruu-denka comes before the event. Go on.”

I hurriedly left the room and ran down the hallway. Spurred on by the insistent knocking, I quickly threw the door open, revealing Ruu-denka standing outside in her felt hat and a casual white-and-gold dress.²

When she opened her mouth, English came tumbling out in a torrent.

[Sago, I can use telekinesis now!]

[WHAT?!]

[Look, look!]

I thought I had heard wrong. My mind went blank in response to the bombshell announcement that caught me completely off guard. I watched on in stunned bewilderment as Ruu-denka crouched and laid a tissue on the ground.

Then she slowly brought her hand close, and the tissue gently floated up as if it was being sucked towards her open palm.

[See?! Isn’t it amazing!]

[Ahh……]

Ruu-denka looked up at me, her cheeks flushed in excitement.

I facepalmed, having understood what was going on.

IT’S SO FUCKING STUPID!!!!!!!!!

What the hell was with that embarrassing “I have a bad feeling about this.” just now? Drop dead, me from 30 seconds ago.

This is just a simple goddamn science experiment.

It pained me greatly to rain on Ruu-denka’s parade by breaking the truth to her, but I couldn’t very well not tell her.

[Ruu-denka, that’s the power of electricity.]

[What?]

Hearing my words, Ruu-denka stopped manipulating the floating tissue, which then flew away on a breeze.

Just to make sure, I checked out her superpower muscle, but it was showing no signs of having undergone a second mutation. It was still an electroxine, not a telekimuscle.

[Are you still using your ability right now?]

[Uh-huh. Who would’ve thought, so using telekinesis feels the same as using electrokinesis. Now I’m just like you!]

[I’m afraid not. You’re still only using electrokinesis. Uhh, to put it simply, there are a lot of positive charges gathered in your hand right now, and tissues easily gather negative charges. When the two are brought close to each other, the positive and negative charges attract each other, causing the tissue to float. After all, a piece of tissue is very light. So yeah, that’s what that is. It’s not telekinesis.]

[……?]

Ruu-denka had a really puzzled look on her face. She clearly didn’t understand my explanation at all.

Ugh, I thought I had kept it rather simple, though…

I very much wanted to sit her down and help her understand the whole thing, but I was busy managing the event at the moment. So I decided to foist the task onto someone else.

[Oh, right, Ruu-denka, don’t you have a personal tutor? Try asking her. I’m sure she’ll explain it to you.]

[Really? Okay then, I’ll go ask. Teach me how to use telekinesis another day!]

Ruu-denka nodded obediently, then opened her parasol and turned around to walk towards the black-tinted luxury car waiting for her in front of the Kaburagi residence, whistling the whole way. It seemed like she didn’t understand a word of what I said, so I probably need to look for her some other time and make it clear that she hadn’t acquired telekinesis.

Well then. I was indeed worried about Ruu-denka, but I was even more worried about having suspended Tsukuyomi’s monitoring this whole time. There was never any telling what crazy things they might be up to.

When I returned to the room, Kaburagi-san was busy making adjustments to the event schedule. She shot me a quick look.

“It was Ruu-denka’s misunderstanding, wasn’t it?”

“You could’ve told me earlier if you knew what it was…”

As I sat back down in my chair in front of the monitors and took a sip of coffee, she pulled a wry smile.

“I only thought that might be the case. It was when I saw your face that I knew for sure. Ruu-denka makes cute misunderstandings like that all the time.”

Cute…? Well… I guess it is at that.

Being a cute girl really is unfair. If it had been a fat, balding, middle-aged dude who’d done the same thing, I would definitely have just kicked him out without thinking twice. I suppose it’s not so much a cute misunderstanding as it is a misunderstanding by the cute Ruu-denka, but, oh well, who cares. Gotta focus on the event now. Focus, me.

“What’s the situation?”

“They found the journal on the unmoving skeleton and moved on ahead.”

“Ahhh… well, that makes sense.”

The skeletons were all manually moved by me, so with me out of the seat, they naturally would remain unmoving. Tsukuyomi had skipped through a battle encounter, the lucky bastards.

According to Kaburagi-san’s event management schedule and what I was seeing on the monitors, it seemed like setting off a skeleton fight now would be rather awkward time-wise. It was probably a better idea to proceed straight to the Amaterasu vs. Tsukuyomi encounter.

“All right, let’s keep things as-is. When the two clash, I won’t interfere unless things actually get really out of hand. That okay with you?”

“Sounds good.”

There was no telling how things would develop when the two sides meet, but a battle was almost sure to break out.

On the Amaterasu side, Touka-chan didn’t believe in killing. For the Tsukuyomi side, one of their Four Precepts was “Do not kill!”. As such, the chances of anyone dying were very low.

Furthermore, both sides also had their own ways to recover from injuries: Amaterasu had Ig and Tsukuyomi had their Oyabun-shots.

In the off chance that an accident really did happen, Kaburagi-san could stop time and I could use telekinesis to secretly provide whatever support was necessary.

We had so many safety nets in place that it could even be said that we were being overprotective. The amount of time and effort we spent arranging this safe yet full-out showdown had been mind-boggling, to put it mildly.

As I watched in excited anticipation, the two secret organizations finally met each other.

◇ ◇ ◇

Around halfway down the caves that made up the first half of the ancient ruins was a large room with an extremely thick steel door that blocked the way.

There was a giant skull relief carved into its surface, and all the rust and spiderwebs on its surface helped give it a very eerie aura. Shouta-kun was trying his best to push it open, but with the weight of all that steel and with me holding it down with telekinesis, the door was opening extremely slowly.

Shouta-kun, I see you really planting your feet and heaving there, but there’s no meaning doing so, as it’s set up to open all by itself after you pull the lever. Though I do understand how you’d be frustrated seeing how slowly it’s going. Just… sorry.

Touka-chan was sticking to her role as torch-bearer and remaining alert for more skeletons. It was at this time, however, that the two Amaterasu members heard singing faintly reverberating in the caves.

The gradually approaching duet chorus with guitar accompaniment was none other than Tsukuyomi still singing Osanpo March³ in a display of their characteristic inability to read the mood. Chris, who was wearing her ninja outfit, was using her “handsome guy” voice, so it sounded like a teenage boy and a middle-aged man singing together.

The sound of the completely out-of-place music down here in this dungeon of skeletons and traps prompted Touka-chan and Shouta-kun to exchange looks of bewilderment.

“This… is singing, isn’t it? What’s happening, Shouta?”

“No idea… Oh, could it be that someone else has come in?”

“Kaburagi-san?”

“It’s neither me nor Sago-san. They must be espers who have entered through a different route that I was not aware of.”

“F’real? What’re we supposed to do, then?”

“First, appro—— with —— and —— please.”

Kaburagi-san gradually turned the sound quality dial to “Low” while replying to Shouta-kun’s question.

“What was that? I couldn’t hear you clearly. Can you repeat that?”

“—— is ——proach —— best.”

“What was that? The singing’s getting closer! Give us our instructions quickly!”

“That’s —— recep—— this time —— hearing ———”

Kaburagi-san was using an extremely flustered tone as she masterfully broke up her words and sentences until when she finally put down the transceiver — which still had three full bars of reception — and turned it off, consequently entering her “sit back and watch” mode.

That’s right! This was the “transmitter that works absolutely fine when it doesn’t matter but becomes useless only when it matters most” cliché!

This was underground, after all! This happens all the time with precision equipment, of course! There are magnetic fields and all that stuff down there, as everyone knows! This was not unnatural at all! Truth was that I had buried relay antennas within the walls to ensure that we never actually lost reception, but they weren’t ever going to find out, of course.

“Hello? Kaburagi-san? Hel~loooo?”

Shouta-kun was repeatedly tapping the transceiver built into his hood and doing what he could to restore communications, but of course it was to no avail.

As the Amaterasu side was busy with this back-and-forth, the Tsukuyomi side climbed up a slope, passed through a gravelly part, ducked under a large spider web, descended a downslope, then… stopped. Several dozens of steps away from walking out into the cavern, at a spot still out of Amaterasu’s sight, Chris started making a fuss.

She had apparently seen the future of their encounter before actually making the encounter.

“What is, eh, there’s someone there. What? Why? Oh, could it be?! Are they members from the secret organiz— They must be! It’s FK and BG! I recognize them!”

“What are you getting all excited about by yourself? Explain it in a way that I can understand.”

“There are two weirdos wearing hoods up ahead.”

Although he still had his guard up, I noticed Shouta-kun reacting a little at being called a weirdo. It seemed to have irritated him a little.

Don’t worry, Shouta-kun. The Tsukuyomi guys are a lot weirder than you are.

“There’s someone else down here? But I thought only espers… Ahhh, I get it now. I see, I see. So they’ve made a business trip allll the way here from home sweet Tokyo.”

“I want to — no, I will go say thanks to them.”

“Good idea. Gotta fulfill our obligations first.”

“Hey there! Nice to meet you!”

The two teenagers had been bracing themselves, but then had no idea how to react to the  very suspicious-looking pair who cheerily walked out into the open.

One was a thin ninja wearing a super cliché costume equipped with a kodachi and holding a cheap flashlight and a convenience store plastic bag.

The other was even more ridiculous. He was a fatty holding a guitar wearing a traffic cone.

Anyone who didn’t know the backstory behind these two would surely think them absolute lunatics. Anyone who did know the story would still think of them as pretty weird.

Chris bowed deeply towards the two silent Amaterasu members.

“Thank you very much for your help during the Hagecha Incident. You saved our lives.”

“What?”

“Oh, are you the ninja from that time? The one in the cockpit?”

“That’s right, that’s right! Oh man, you remember me!”

Shouta-kun was still confused, but it rang a bell for Touka-chan. Chris rushed over to her and shook her hands vigorously.

“I’m so glad I got to meet you again! I’m your fan! I love your costume!”

“Th-Thank you…”

Being approached so suddenly, both in the physical and the psychological sense, caused the shy Touka-chan to draw back quite a bit.

Shouta-kun, who seemed to have calmed down from seeing Chris being so excited, stepped in to intervene.

“Get away, you pervert! No touching!”

“Aw, c’mon.”

Chris looked slightly miffed, but still backed off obediently. Touka-chan quickly hid behind Shouta-kun’s back.

Apparently Shouta-kun was mistaking Chris for a guy. He could hardly be faulted for his misunderstanding, as her long blond hair was currently tucked under her mask, she was using a male voice, and her physique could still pass for a guy’s. She was disguising herself to hide her identity, after all.

Just as Shouta-kun was about to say something to the full-on suspicious duo, Miyama beat him to the punch. He started strumming a mysterious-sounding BGM, saying,

“Hold on. I’m sure we both have things we want to ask each other. How about we go in turn?”

“……All right, sounds fair. Let’s do that.”

“Great. And let’s decide who gets to go first with rock-paper-scissors. Ninja, all yours.”

“Mhm.”

Wait, are these planning what I’m thinking…?!

“Rock, paper…”

“Scissors! Yay, I win.”

Chris, who had obviously read the future to ensure victory, beat Shouta-kun and did a small jig. So underhanded!

Shouta-kun clicked his tongue at failing to seize the initiative back, but apparently had no intention of reneging on the agreement. He crossed his arms and prompted Chris to ask her question.

“Go on, ask what you want. Just saying, there are things that we can’t answer.”

“Give me a minute, I’m thinking of a question. Ummmmmmmm………………………………………………………………………………………..”

Aren’t you thinking too long? I can see why you’d want to — Hold on.

Oh, so THAT’S what she’s doing.

That cheeky little girl, she’s plying Shouta-kun with questions by reading the future!

After reading the future of “what would happen if I asked him this,” she was then reading the future of “what would happen if I asked him this!” By repeating this many times, she was basically asking him everything that she wanted.

So freaking underhanded! Did Miyama already think this far when he suggested that they ask questions in turn? What a frightful fatty he is.

Shouta-kun, who hadn’t the faintest idea what he was being subjected to, finally ran out of patience.

“Hurry it up. If you can’t think of a question, then we’ll go first.”

“No, no, hold on. Okay, I’ve decided on my question. First question. FK, what did you eat for breakfast today?”

“The fuck? After thinking that long, that’s what you ask? Uh… bread, milk, sunny-side-up eggs.”

“Sunny-side-up?! You’re one of them?! Unforgivable! GRENADE!”

The pretext for fighting probably could have been anything. After all the questioning she did, she had probably arrived at the conclusion that there was no choice but to actually duke it out. Right after Chris shouted and covered her own ears, Miyama unleashed a deafening blast.

Touka-chan reacted immediately to Chris’s sudden change in attitude and threw up a wall of flames, but unfortunately, flames could not block sound. She received the attack straight on and fainted immediately.

On the other hand, Shouta-kun saw Chris covering her ears and also quickly followed suit, therefore managing to avoid getting knocked out. Very impressive reaction speed.

It was true that hearing “GRENADE!” being shouted and seeing someone else cover their ears was enough clues to draw the conclusion that a loud sound was coming. However, the percentage of people who could actually connect all the dots on the spur of the moment was not high. I wasn’t sure if I could do it myself.

Shouta-kun really is strong. And if he had never gotten superpowers, this talent that he has for battle would probably have remained hidden his whole life.

Miyama, who had begun playing a combat BGM, widened his eyes in surprise as Shouta-kun created a spear of ice with the bottle of water on his waist and charged.

“He blocked it?! He can read the future too?!”

“That’s not it; he’s just a really quick thinker! And he’s used to battle! Ugh, so cold!”

Chris immediately drew the broken kodashi on her waist to intercept the attack. Shouta-kun was using his white frost to make the environment very cold in an attempt to freeze the Tsukuyomi members, but was showing no signs of unleashing an Eternal Force Blizzard.

The fight between the two seemed to be rather evenly matched. Chris’s barrage of thrusts were all cleanly parried by Shouta-kun’s white shield of cold air, and all of his slashes were dodged with a paper-thin margin.

The truth of the matter was, Shouta-kun was not used to fighting humans.

This entire time, he had only been fighting World Shadows. Although he was receiving instruction from Kuma-san, it was all on stuff like footwork and how to keep his torso stable. None of it was training for fighting other people. Amaterasu was a secret organization that fought against World Shadows; punching people was outside of our jurisdiction. Thinking back now, Shouta-kun did lose against Kuma-san during their first encounter, too.

Consequently, he was now at a bit of a loss for how to fight Chris. He could settle everything immediately by using Eternal Force Blizzard, but doing so would kill her. He didn’t want to kill her, so he couldn’t use it.

Fighting against a person was different from fighting against a World Shadow, the latter of which he could throw the full force of his might against without worry. Making a spear and shield of ice and using cold air to slow his opponent down was pretty much the most he could do.

On the other hand, Chris was a specialist in fighting humans. Even under the restriction of “no killing,” she had amassed a wealth of experience by fighting yakuza. Trying to beat Chris in close-quarters combat while she was allowed to read the future the entire time was nigh impossible. The main reasons why Shouta-kun didn’t lose within the first second were because of his incredible battle sense and because the cold debuff was preventing Chris from performing at her best.

That said, with Touka-chan having been taken out at the very start, this was a 2-v-1 fight. It did not take long for it to come to a conclusion.

Miyama, who had been slowly inching towards Touka-chan while playing his guitar, suddenly shouted.

“FK! Don’t move if you care what happens to her!”

Miyama shoved the mouth of an open bottle of super carbonated juice under Touka-chan’s nose as a threat.

In the split second that Shouta-kun’s brain tried to process this cowardly move, Chris kicked his chin with a perfect back somersault. The clean hit caused him to stumble and collapse.

He did not get back up after that.

It was Tsukuyomi’s victory. Hm, it was a bit lacking in flashiness, but still a pretty good fight all in all.

“What do you think, Commentator Kaburagi-san?”

“The sight of Commentator Sago-san getting excited was very cute.”

“Eh? Uh, thank you…”

“About the fight itself, I suppose Touka-chan being knocked out by the first attack really was big. If Touka-chan had remained conscious and it had been Miyama-san who had gotten knocked out, Chris-chan wouldn’t have been able to continue her future-reading fighting style. Amaterasu would have had more than enough of a fighting chance.”

“I agree. The main deciding factor was the difference between their respective amount of experience fighting against humans. It could be said that the success of the surprise attack really was a part of it as well.”

Shouta-kun had actually hung in there quite well by himself against Chris, who had been reading the future the entire time thanks to having Miyama’s full support. If this had been a different era, he might even have been able to leave his name in the annals of history for his battle prowess.

Just to be sure that he really was unconscious, Chris kicked him one more time. Unsatisfied with just the one kick, she then kicked him again to double-check. Then kicked him one more time to triple-check. Then followed it up with one more kick to quadruple-check. Just when she was about to quintuple-check, Miyama, who had finished tying Touka-chan in a turtle shell bind, came over to stop her.

“Hold on, hold on. Leave it at that already. Why are you kicking him that much anyways?”

“I don’t like him.”

“What did he ever do to you?”

“When I told him that I’m actually a girl, he asked, ‘With that chest?’ and laughed.”

“Uwah… so he’s a boobs mania⁴, huh.”

Shouta-kun, bruh…

“If you like boobs so much, then here, I’ll let you touch mine.”

Miyama grabbed Shouta-kun’s hand and used it to give his own flabby chest a few squeezes. Despite being unconscious, a slight smirk still came over the teenage boy’s face.

Shouta-kun, bruh…

Just as he did with Touka-chan, Miyama proceeded to tie Shouta-kun in a turtle shell bind. During that time, Chris shot several looks at the Amaterasu members’ masks.

“Should we take them off? Wanna take their masks off? Wanna expose their faces?”

“Ah… nah, let’s not. They probably have their own reasons for hiding their faces too. Call it a fatty’s compassion.”

Leaving the tightly tied up Amaterasu members behind, Tsukuyomi slipped through the half-opened gigantic steel door and leisurely headed onwards.

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Footnotes

1 A children’s marching song. Here is a version with English subtitles (it’s not the best, but better than nothing).

2 Not certain, but this could be a reference to “The Dress.” The one that some people saw as white and gold while others saw as black and blue.

3 Still the same song from before.

4 Original Japanese slang term: oppai seijin (lit.: boobs alien)