There Was No Secret Evil-Fighting Organization (srsly?!), So I Made One MYSELF!
Chapter 9: Sky Mission
Volume 3: Tsukuyomi, the Dark Secret Organization
Three weeks after Oyabun’s recovery, all of us Tsukuyomi members, aside from Miyama, were together on a late night domestic flight accompanying the Tsukimori-gumi members who were evacuating en masse. Most of the seats in this plane were being occupied by Tsukimori-gumi members.
All the Strangers who had remained in Tsukimori-gumi had the resolve to bring the fight to Tanioka-gumi, but many of them, such as the children, the elderly, and the weaker members, did not have the strength to back up their resolve. They had high morale, but were losing all their fights rather one-sidedly. To be blunt, they were just in the way.
As such, Oyabun decided to have these non-combatant members retreat to a safer location. Through his connections from his days in the cult, he managed to find a large place in Hokkaido that was willing to let all the evacuating Tsukimori-gumi members stay for a cheap price in exchange for some manual labor. That said, these Strangers were those who were too weak to participate in the fight with yakuza in the first place, which meant that they were equally unsuited for heavy-duty farmwork. It wasn’t as if they were entirely useless, however, and the most important thing was simply removing them from the fighting and ensuring that they had food on the table. The farmers were also in constant shortage of labor due to the dwindling number of youngsters, so this wasn’t an entirely bad deal for them.
That said, employing those without a working visa was a dangerous bridge to cross. It was illegal, plain and simple. It wasn’t as if it would be impossible to wriggle out of the charges upon being found out — pleading ignorance to the bitter end was a viable strategy with some degree of success — but it was in all likelihood largely thanks to Oyabun’s natural virtue that these farmers were willing to turn a blind eye for us like this.
Oyabun was coming along on this flight to make a courtesy call to the people who would be accepting the roughly one hundred Tsukimori-gumi members and providing them employment.
Baba was coming along as she was going to be staying with this group for a while as their accompanying interpreter.
Chris was coming along to eat Sapporo ramen.
I was coming along to get a breather after all the insane work hours that I’d pulled.
Miyama had been tasked with holding down the fort in Tokyo, as we couldn’t very well leave our front lines entirely unmanned, no matter how short a period of time. Having recently learned how to make attacks with explosive sound, he had turned into somewhat of a MAP weapon.1 His bulk and low mobility made him very unsuitable for spearheading attacks, but holding a defensive line by himself for a while shouldn’t be much of a problem. The fact that Tanioka-gumi’s morale had been pretty low of late certainly didn’t hurt.
After all, everything that Tanioka-gumi had attempted during Oyabun’s period of recuperation had blown up spectacularly in their faces. All of their raid team fell sick from a mysterious bout of food poisoning right before storming the Tsukimori residence, there were gas leaks galore, the engines of their vehicles kept on stalling, meteorites fell out of nowhere, their members tripped from stepping on their own shoelaces again and again, clowders of black cats2 would show up out of nowhere and just take over their offices, their guns had an 80% chance of jamming, their knives would rust over within a single night as if they had been dunked into salt water, and there was even a case of someone waking up at the top of Mt. Fuji cradling empty sake bottles despite having no memory of drinking.
Each and every one of those occurrences, if isolated, would only evoke a “ahhh, guess things like that do happen.” When they pile up in such ridiculous numbers, however, they turn into a curse. As this had started happening around the time Oyabun became bed-bound, rumors of “Tombstone Man’s curse” started circulating around Tanioka-gumi. More and more of their underlings started getting really jumpy and freaked out about the whole thing, and the gang’s overall morale slowly seeped away. On the flip side, Tsukimori-gumi members were having a blast rejoicing about what they called “providence” and “blessings.”
Like hell something as absurd as curses exists in this shitty reality — wake up already!
If they actually existed, then I would be fighting curses and not World Shadows!
Every single one of those “curses” were performed manually, you idiots!
After the plane had lifted off and I was in the middle of flipping through the Hokkaido guidebook that I had labeled with a ton of post-its, Chris and Baba, who were in the two seats between me and the right window in my aisle, started exchanging snacks and getting flirty with each other. As for Oyabun, he was in a seat some distance away dealing with the raucous kids.
“Baba, Baba, can I have the rest of the ohagi3?”
“Sure thing, I don’t mind. But in exchange, I’ll be taking some of these Animal Biscuits4 of yours.”
“Ah! Don’t eat the tanuki and fox ones! I want to eat those myself!”
The mouthwatering smell of butter coming from beside me made me want to snack on something myself, but when I reached inside my backpack, my bag of chips was gone for some reason.
On a hunch, I glanced over, and found Chris eating from a bag of chips with the name “YAKU” written in permanent marker on the side.
“Oops, you noticed. I didn’t steal it, all right? I plundered it, so it’s fine!”
“Like hell it is! But, ah well, it’s just a bag of chips, guess I can let it go. I still have some chocolate… it’s gone too.”
This goddamn brat…!
“What, you plan to plunder everything from me?”
“It’s not just snacks. Aniki, I’ll plunder your heart too☆!”
Chris winked coyly and made a peace sign in an over-the-top attempt to look cute.
Sure, sure, you’re cute. Blond ponytailed bishoujo are cute.
Being cute was fine and all, but her voice was too loud. Her declaration reverberated throughout the cabin, causing everyone else to fall silent. The only sounds that could be heard were the engines and air conditioning.
Chris froze up, looking down with a bright red face.
“Sorry, Aniki. Please forget what I just said.”
“Oho, so it’ll be a plundered love5. This should be fun to watch.”
“Baba, please forget it too…”
Baba simply laughed without replying.
I’m sorry, Baba, but I can’t live up to your expectations of a soap drama-like development, as I already have someone I love. Hm? Wait, then ‘plundered love’ is correct in this case.
Stop it! Please don’t fight over me!6
As I was in the middle of similarly stupid thoughts, Baba abruptly widened her eyes and stopped moving. She beckoned me with her hand, so I brought my face closer. She whispered to me in a small voice beyond Chris’s hearing.
“A gunshot just went off in the cockpit. Judging from the conversation, they seem to be Tanioka-gumi’s… not good, the pilot’s been shot.”
A gunshot? Why? We’re inside a plane though.
“Seeing as the weapon has a silencer attached, I believe this was a premeditated attack. How do you want to handle this?”
“How do I wa-… what?!”
I couldn’t understand what she was saying. Chris was starting to get suspicious seeing the two of us having a secret conversation, but she was low on my list of priorities right now. For starters, I took a peek into the cockpit with my telekinetic senses.
There were four men in the cockpit. The one who looked like the pilot was bleeding from his leg and was in the middle of being tied up by a thuggish-looking guy wearing sunglasses. The one who looked like the co-pilot was fiddling with the controls with a deadly pale face as the last guy, a thuggish-looking guy with a bald head, was pressing a gun against him.
“You gotta be kidding me.”
I felt the blood leaving my entire body.
Tanioka-gumi had hijacked our place!
Honestly, the jacking itself wasn’t all that much of a problem. Worst case, I could just use telekinesis to make the criminals take a trip and then safely bring our plane the entire way to Hokkaido. Full telekinesis power meant zero emissions and a 100% guarantee of 0 victims.
What was a problem, however, was the very fact that an incident had taken place!
Noooo! Loss of faith in the airline company! Plummeting stock value! Employees getting fired and turning suicidal! Hellish “how can we prevent this from happening again in the future” meetings, undue burden on the ground-level staff, worsening business, eventual bankruptcy! The staff manning the carry-on luggage checking station that let these weapons through all losing their heads! Splash in overseas newspapers! Sharp decline in tourism to Japan! Prolonged suspension of operations for multiple carriers! Chained explosion of negative economic effect! The already overworked police actually dying from the workload after also being tasked with settling the incident and preventing reoccurrences! Suicides! Hospitalizations! Negative spiral that depletes the task force ad infinitum! Plunging public order! Falling reputation in the global community!
TANIOKA-GUMIIII! The FUCK you guys think you’re doing?! A gang war all over Tokyo is already bad enough, hijacking a plane is a whole different ball game!
I want to puke. Can I still cover this up? No, it’s impossible. The pilot’s already been shot, and the flight recorder won’t lie for shit.
“What’s up, what’s up? Something just happen? You’re making a face like you’re about to die, you know?”
“I think my stomach’s gonna kill me. Help.”
“Mm, I don’t really get it, but I got it. I’ll help you!”
Chris pounded her chest in a show of confidence.
Her intentions made me happy, but unless she was capable of going back in time and changing the past, the problem was not going to be resolved at the most fundamental level.
Seeing me laugh hollowly, Chris continued speaking.
“However, Aniki is no good right now. You’re breaking our Tsukuyomi precepts. As punishment, I’m confiscating your candy.”
“Light to light, we’re evil, don’t kill, and what’s the last one?”
I finally realized it when I said it out loud.
Oh, right, I’m not smiling right now. I’d forgotten to make myself smile.
“Thaaaat’s right! I love it much more when Aniki’s smiling!”
So saying, Chris beamed a smile as bright as the sun.
I think I’m going to get purified.
Is this girl an avatar of the sun or something?
“Let’s hear your plan, Yaku Yorushisa.”
“What, are we gonna be up to no good? Is it gonna be fun?”
“… That’s right, let’s do something fun.”
Baba looked amused, Chris was so excited that she was leaning forward, and I was smiling with bravado.
Be it a school under attack by terrorists, a television station occupied by a criminal organization, or an airplane plunged into fear by a hijacker, I will overcome it all in the most perfect manner!
Just how many times do you think I’ve fantasized about those situations while smirking to myself?
All Tanioka-gumi’s done is simply hand me the opportunity to realize one of those dreams on a silver platter.
So what if the plane’s been hijacked.
I am a member of Tsukuyomi.
Let me show you how I’ll turn this into a funny story!
Under the pretense of it having been Baba with her sharp ears that had detected what was going on, I left her to explain things to Chris and do the contacting as I focused on taking stock of the situation and coming up with a plan.
Currently, our plane had deviated from its original flight plan and was circling the airspace above Tokyo. The Tanioka-gumi members inside the cockpit had between them a knife, a gun, and some explosive material disguised as a piece of candy. In addition, there was also what seemed like a bomb set up within the complex array of machinery in front of the pilot’s seat.
This was way more than enough to be a serious threat for a sealed space 7,500 m (24.6k ft) up in the sky, but even my “sealed form” as a Tsukuyomi member would be capable of handling it all. However, there were too many unrelated passengers to break out into an open fight. We couldn’t very well have any deaths due to stray bullets.
Sooo, what I should do is cover the passengers in a barrier and stop the pilot’s bleeding. Then Oyabun needs to be informed…
“Oh hey there, hold on a moment.”
I stopped my train of thought to grab the shirt of the lanky guy who had gotten up from his seat in the back and was about to make his way to the front.
That was close. Very soon, a very macho man is going to be bringing down fists of punishment in the area right before the cockpit at the front of the plane. For your own safety, we recommend that you keep your distance.
“Hey, I’m sorry, but things are going to be a bit dangerous quite soon. You’d probably want to return back to your seat.”
Upon hearing my warning, the lanky man’s face went pale and his mouth opened and closed several times like a landed fish—
—before which he grabbed my collar, hauled me to my feet, and constricted my neck from behind me while putting a knife to my throat, all in one big, flowing move.
“Hold on a…what?!”
“Don’t make any sudden moves! I’ll kill you, you shit!”
With the abrupt change and all the shouting from behind my ear, the lanky man revealed himself to be a third hijacker.
Goddaaaaammm, that surprised the heck out of me! I didn’t see it coming at all. But thinking about it now, I guess it makes sense to have a lookout staying among the passengers. Due to my warning, the man realized that the hijacking was discovered, and immediately resorted to taking me hostage. He’s sharp. It would have been a great idea too, if he didn’t make the mistake of choosing me, of all people, to be his hostage.
Moreover, you’re the one who shouldn’t make any sudden moves, all right?
When you suddenly put a knife to me, I almost sent you flying with my telekinesis, just like how people would instinctively swat away an insect they see suddenly flying towards them.
Man, if I hadn’t held myself back at the very last possible moment, you would have crashed through the wall of the plane and been reduced to chunks of flesh — nay, you would have been a mere cloud of atoms scattered throughout the stratosphere, all right? Aren’t you glad that I’m a hostage who’s so nice to criminals!
When the passengers and crew members noticed the hijacker, screams went up all around.
Baba also let out a natural-sounding scream to fit in with everyone else, but I would bet anything that she was exploding with laughter inside.
Seeing how Chris had immediately ducked down and circled around to a position out of the hijacker’s field of vision made me seriously consider whether it was about time to acknowledge her as a chuunin7 or not.
The situation continued snowballing from there.
Oyabun stood up with a severe look on his face just as the yakuza with a gun came out from the cockpit after having finished tying the pilot up.
The sight of me having been taken hostage brought a look of surprise on Oyabun’s face that quickly turned into a wry smile. The setting I was going with was that I could set up a barrier “strong enough to block handguns but not rifles.” As such, he immediately understood that it was the lanky man, not me, who was in danger for his life.
Then Oyabun was surprised yet again, this time by a gunshot that rang out from his back.
“Shut the fuck up! We’ve taken over this plane! If you don’t shut up, we’ll kill you!”
The hijacker shouted loudly, but the passengers showed no signs of quieting down. Rather, the gunshot had only served to make the screaming even louder and worsen the panic. There were kids wailing at the top of their lungs and adults sitting down and getting up repeatedly, unable to make up their minds whether to run away or crouch down. It wasn’t as if these people were purposely flaunting the criminal’s words. They just didn’t understand Japanese well.
It must not be forgotten that Tsukimori-gumi was a collection of Strangers who hailed from a large variety of countries. If you don’t enunciate properly and use simple words, these people won’t understand what you’re saying, you know?
The yakuza looked entirely confused and increasingly annoyed at seeing the commotion grow larger and larger in spite of his threat. Right before he was about to make another shot, Baba stood up in her seat and started shouting out in various languages. As she went through about a dozen of them, the decibel volume inside the plane lowered incrementally until silence once again filled the place. Baba looked at the hijacker and clicked her tongue as loudly as she could as if to say “So useless!” before sitting back down. Please don’t provoke them more than needed, geez.
The man with a gun cleared his throat, pointed his gun at Oyabun, then continued as if nothing had happened.
“Hey there, Tombstone Man. Uh-uh, don’t you move. We’ve already taken over the cockpit. If you try anything, the man behind me will die. The plane is also right on top of downtown Tokyo right now.”
The current positioning of everyone inside the plane was as follows:
Inside the cockpit was the tied up pilot, the coerced co-pilot, and the yakuza with a knife.
Near the front of the cabin was the yakuza with a gun and Oyabun.
In the seats at the back of the cabin was Baba and, in Baba’s shadow, Chris, who had taken off her black t-shirt while keeping her jacket on and was tying said t-shirt around her face by way of a mask.
In the aisle at the back of the cabin was me and yakuza with a knife #2, the latter of whom was standing behind me and holding a knife to my neck.
I could take care of myself just fine, but the cockpit having fallen into their hands was a problem.
The setting I was going with was that I could only use my telekinesis upon what I could see. The cockpit was not visible from my current position, which meant that I could not save the co-pilot.
I slightly turned my head and caught Oyabun nodding slightly with a scowl.
“So you guys are Tanioka-gumi. What do you want?”
“Hah! To kill you, of course! Yo! Guitar Fatty! Ninja! Telekinetic Bastard! If you’re here, then listen up! If you do anything strange, we’ll immediately blow this plane up! So stay put! If you surrender, then we’ll use you good!”
Oh-ho. In other words, they haven’t figured out the rest of our identities yet?
Considering how they had managed to smuggle guns and explosives onboard, the quick suppression of the cockpit, the foresight to leave a lookout, and their ability to deal with changes on the fly, it was clear that a ton of planning and preparation had gone into this operation. That said, it was not perfect by any means.
Oyabun raised both his hands, indicating his surrender.
“All right, I hear you. If your aim is my life, then just shoot me and get it over with. In exchange, don’t lay a hand on the rest of the passengers.”
“Hah! Don’t bullshit us, we know that you’re a freaking monster who won’t die even after being pumped full of lead.”
The gunman laughed scornfully as Oyabun grimaced. They figured it out, huh.
Then again, Oyabun had indeed dashed off at top speed after the previous shoot-out and he had recovered in an unbelievably short period of time, so it wouldn’t take a genius to figure things out.
Back during the shoot-out, Oyabun had already gained a body strong enough to withstand, to a certain degree, being shot. During his period of recuperation, however, he had undertaken applicability training that now enabled him to concentrate his self-strengthening as he liked. By dialing down the physical strengthening, he could speed up his self-regeneration; by dialing down the self-regeneration, he could jack up his physical strengthening. When he focused everything into physical strengthening, he was entirely impervious to handguns. This new development in his power was simple, yet powerful.
“So, this is what we’re gonna do.”
There was no way Tanioka-gumi had knowledge of these developments, but their solution was correct.
While keeping his gun trained on Oyabun, the yakuza attached his candy-like explosive to the side of the plane. He set the timer, took his distance, then clung to a seat until the bomb went off.
The ear-splitting roar and sudden violent wind reignited the panic in the cabin. As I used telekinesis to hold back all the passengers who would otherwise be sucked through the hole and jettisoned outside, an ominous-sounding alarm went off and all the oxygen masks came down. Awesome, I’ve seen this happen in movies before! I was super excited at the development, but there was no time for that.
The yakuza cowed the passengers back into silence with another shot, then jerked his chin towards the gaping hole.
“Jump off. Either you die, or this plane crashes into downtown Tokyo and kills several hundreds more people in collateral damage. You choose.”
Dayum! That’s rough, real rough. Let alone carrot and stick, it’s just stick and stick. Both options suck ass.
Anyone freefalling 7,500m without a parachute would be reduced to mincemeat. This was a much more guaranteed method of killing Oyabun than shooting or poisoning him. Clearly, the superhuman feats that Oyabun had displayed thus far had convinced Tanioka-gumi that they wouldn’t be able to off him without going this far.
While all the heated exchange had been going on, I had finished examining the entire plane.
I confirmed that the three who had stepped up were the only ones holding weapons, which meant it was safe to assume that there were no more Tanioka-gumi members laying in wait.
The only remaining explosive was the one inside the cockpit.
If we took down these three hijackers and dealt with the bomb, then the curtains would drop on this whole incident.
As I was wracking my brain for a cool and stylish solution, Chris, who had finished putting on her mask, rolled a piece of chocolate at my feet to catch my attention. Then she showed me a hand mirror and pantomimed throwing it.
I see. Sure, let’s go with that. Chris would throw the hand mirror in the direction of the cockpit, I would adjust the angle and throwing distance with telekinesis, then use the mirror as a relay to secure a line of sight into the cockpit and save the co-pilot plus take care of the bomb. After that, Oyabun could hulk it out as much as he wanted.
All right, now we just have to wait for the right timing—
“Okay, I’ll jump.”
“You’re awfully compliant… what are you planning?”
Oyabun, why… why are you walking towards the hole?
“Nothing, I’m not planning anything. However, falling by myself would be quite lonely. I’d like to drag at least one more person with me.”
Wait, hold on. You will die, you know that, right?
“That so? Suit yourself.”
“That I will. So then, you’ll be coming along. I leave the rest to you guys!”
“EH?! Who, me?! You…WHAAATTTT?!?!”
Oyabun grabbed the yakuza with a gun by the nape of his neck and leaped out into the night sky. The pitch of the gunman’s scream slowly decreased in pitch in a perfect demonstration of the Doppler effect.
O-OYABUNNN! WHAT THE HELL YOU DOING?! WHAT THE GODDAMN HELL YOU DOING?!
“Well, he’s dead. What a fool.”
“Shit! No kidding, goddammit. There’s no other choice, we gotta be fools too.”
I grabbed the knife at my neck with my bare hands (coated in telekinesis) and crushed it, then grabbed the knifeman behind me who was muttering some stupid triumphant nonsense and dragged him towards the hole together with me.
I’ll be with you soon.8
“Hah? Hold on a, no, wait, dude, what are you, wait, NOOOOOOOOOOO!”
“I leave the rest to you guys!”
I copied Oyabun and also leaped out into the night sky.
With our hands linked together, I, CAN, FLY!9
“Look at how breathtaking the night sky is!”
“I’M GONNA DIEEEEEE!”
“Look, look, the clouds are beneath us! It’s amazing! The moon is so beautiful! So romantic! You think so too, don’t you? Hey! Agree with me!”
“C’mon, say it: skydiving is so fun! Hm? Oh, c’mon, you fainted?”
The lanky yakuza’s eyes had rolled up into the back of his head and he was out cold.
Gosh, to faint from merely free-falling at 7,500 without a parachute? How pathetic.
You do realize that this is exactly what you were threatening the passengers with, right? It’s so frightening that you’d want to die — well, you’d actually die, right?
Experience it for yourself and reflect on it.
While skydiving, the pressure and the sound of the wind was incredibly strong. The wind pressure was distorting the unconscious yakuza’s face to the point where he looked like a comedian trying to make a funny face. Also, the speed at which we were falling was faster than I’d expected. If I did nothing, both of us would crash into the roof of some skyscraper or other and be reduced to red smudges in two or three minutes.
Although we were falling down, the sensation was as if we were riding on top of a wind that was blowing us upwards. I used telekinesis to steer us closer to Oyabun and the gun-toting yakuza below us.
When I got closer, I was surprised to find out that the gunman had more guts than I’d taken him for. Despite having suddenly been forced to participate in this unique pastime of skydiving, he was still trying to shoot Oyabun with his gun.
However, there was no way that his shots would land. There was one lucky shot that hit Oyabun’s upper arm, but it got deflected with a shower of sparks, leaving Oyabun entirely unharmed. Damn, self-strengthening is freaking powerful.
Oyabun threw a shoe at the yakuza to make him flinch, then took advantage of the opening to close in and choke him out. When I descended beside him, Oyabun’s eyes widened and he yelled at me in a voice louder than the wind.
“Why the hell did you come after me?! I said I was leaving everything to you!”
“Chris and Baba are still back there! You can rest easy, I’ll ensure that you survive this!”
“What the hell are you saying?! I never had any intention of dying!”
I was under the impression that you had decided to sacrifice yourself to save the rest of the passengers.
“If I focus my self-strengthening on my legs, I’m pretty sure I can get off with just one broken leg!”
“You’re ‘pretty sure’?! This is 7,500m we’re talking about! That’s absurd!”
“I still had to do it even if it’s absurd! This is still better than letting the plane get blown up!”
Well… he’s not wrong, I guess.
As Oyabun had not seen Chris moving about in secrecy, the situation must have felt like a deadlock to him. With how trigger-happy the yakuza was, it also seemed like just a matter of time before someone got killed.
However, even if Oyabun could save himself thanks to his self-strengthening, wouldn’t the man he dragged along still die when the force generated from the impact of the landing propagates through Oyabun’s body to the guy’s? Yep, I feel like I probably shouldn’t bring this up.
“Never mind, what’s done is done! Don’t move, I’ll use my telekinesis to slow all of us down and soften our landing! That way, you won’t lose your leg either!”
“You can only support two person at most, right?! There are four of us here!”
Shit, I’d forgotten that that was the setting I was going with. What a stupid setting it is! Who’d set it anyways? Oh wait, it was me!
“…I just discovered sleeping potential inside me and I’ve powered up so I can handle it now!”
“Like hell such coincidences happen, you idiot! Never lie about what you can and can’t do!”
“Ah, um, yes sir.”
Of course he’d say that!
His words are super convincing! I have no retort to make!
Something so convenient as awakening to secret hidden powers is forgivable only within fiction.
In reality, the only power you get is what you trained to attain.
Who the hell was it that came up with the shitty setting that Yaku’s already reached his growth ceiling and that anymore training would be meaningless?! It was me! Retard!
“I’ll do something about myself and this guy! Yaku, you just focus on yourself and your man and aim for open water—”
Right in the middle of Oyabun’s sentence, flames burst out from the head of the plane that was now taking a sharp nosedive.
YOU FUCKED UP TAKING CARE OF THE BOMB, DIDN’T YOU?!
A quick scan with my telekinesis revealed that the co-pilot had indeed been saved and that the last yakuza had been bound up with fishing wire, but now there were two gaping holes in the plane.
Oyabun also noticed the plane falling and the billowing smoke. His face turned pale.
“Shit! Yaku, prioritize the plane! Go save them! I’ll take care of this side somehow! GO!”
I got pushed by Oyabun towards the direction of the plane. On the spur of the moment, I reflexively dragged the two yakuza along with me with telekinesis.
Uh, but you just brought up the fact that I can’t support more than two people. What are you expecting me to do about a whole plane? I guess even Oyabun’s in a panic from such a clear sign of impending catastrophe.
……But don’t worry, we’re in the clear.
The catastrophe is going to end with the sign alone.
To whom did you think I asked Baba to make a call to earlier?
I wasn’t lying when I said I wanted to make this hijack incident end as a funny story.
Even if it doesn’t quite end up all that funny, at least I would ensure that it didn’t end as a tragedy.
How, you ask?
Well, the thing about this city is…
It has a secret organization that fights against World Shadows!!!
After I safely landed inside Aragawa River together with the two yakuza, I looked up just to see a long, white rail abruptly appear right underneath the plane that was plunging straight towards Tokyo’s nightscape. The young man who had suddenly appeared under the plane was expelling frost beams from silver-colored gauntlets to extend the rail and also construct support beams to hold up the rail. The nose of the plane gradually flattened out as it slid along the perfectly angled track.
At the nose of the plane, a young girl had also appeared out of nowhere. The silver-colored wings on her back were spewing fire like a rocket nozzle in an apparent attempt to offset the momentum of the plane, with another smaller jet of fire emitting from the rest of her body that seemed to be directing the direction of the fall. Her control over the flames was so precise that none of the heat reached the ninja staring out dumbfoundedly from within the cockpit.
Soon enough, the rail was completed, thus securing the plane’s course into the Arakawa River. Several pleasure boats floating on the river surface were instantaneously relocated to the riverbank one after another. On top of the last one stood a woman with perfect proportions holding a silver-colored staff, bathed in moonlight and the night breeze.
Every single one of the three were wearing hooded black battlesuits and were hiding their faces with masks.
Our secret organization is amazing!
After receiving an anonymous tip, they had immediately come running to save Tokyo from impending disaster!
In terms of time, it was a cameo that lasted only a few minutes. With almost all its momentum negated, the plane safely slid down the rail and into Arakawa River. The surface of the river froze up as if to hold the plane still, then a bridge of ice extended all the way to the riverbank. After seeing everything through, the mysterious group in black disappeared as suddenly as they had appeared.
Several beats of silence later, cheering erupted from inside the plane. An impending catastrophe unprecedented in scale had ended without there being a single casualty.
It was a (completely man-made) miracle!
I checked with telekinesis and confirmed that Oyabun had indeed landed safely. He really did make good on his word. I was very impressed.
All that was left was to make our escape before the police arrived and discovered that the whole plane had been filled with illegal overstayer stowaways!
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Below is the transcript record of the eyewitness account from Shibata-shi (32 y/o) of the franchise store “Ramen Darumeshi-iori” on the first floor of Adachi ST Building.
The questions lines have been omitted.
“Oh yeah, it was after most of the night rush had left. That day, the part-timer didn’t show up, and so I was freaking busy handling everything all by myself. It happened when I finally got a breather and was in the middle of clearing away some tables.”
“Then there was this big commotion outside. I was like, ‘Did something happen?’, but I couldn’t leave the store unattended and go out to take a look myself. Just when I was thinking that, um…”
“Yes, yes. With a huge crash, he fell down. Hm? Yes, a man.”
“At first, the dust cloud was so thick that I couldn’t see properly, but what I caught was that he had landed like those superheroes do in the movies10, then he’d taken off his shirt in a hurry to wrap around and hide his face. He probably had a face that would be problematic if it was seen. I totally understand.”
“Ahh, umm, I said that he took off his shirt, right? Of course, that meant that the upper half of his body was all bare. He had, like, a ton of really scary-looking scars all over. I don’t know much about this kind of thing, but I don’t think bears could make scars like what he had. Those were knife and bullet wounds, no doubt.”
“Of course, I was like, ‘What the heck is up with this dude? More like, is he even human?’ Then I looked up and realized that I could see the night sky, even though we were on the first floor. I could look straight up into the night sky. That was when I realized that the man had broken straight down through seven whole floors. So I was like, ‘Damn, that’s crazy.’”
“What happened afterwards was even crazier. What do you think that man did next?”
“He stood straight up and then, of all things, walked over to try out the dinosaur gacha gacha11 in front of the store and then just walked away as if nothing had happened!”
“That instant, he flipped from being ‘strange, mysterious monster’ into ‘run-of-the-mill gacha-loving ojisan.’ That’s pretty crazy, don’t you think?”
“I don’t know. Maybe he hurried down because he really wanted to flip a gacha gacha? I’d have preferred it if he’d come in through the front door though.”
“Oh, no, I have no complaints. An anonymous person donated enough money for me to rebuild my store twice over. I guess philanthropists really do exist.”
End of transcription.
Information Broker: Sound on Lee
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All details in the Table of Contents page.
2 Black cats are seen as omens of misfortune.
3 A Japanese sweet made with rice and red bean paste.
5 Apparently this term, 略奪愛 (ryakudatsu ai), is so common that it even has its own Wikipedia page. It means to make someone who’s already married or already has a girlfriend/boyfriend break up with their partner to love you. The term doesn’t quite work in English, but I kept it in because it was part of the running joke.
9 Whereas us English speakers would think of the song “I Believe I Can Fly” by R. Kelly, apparently in Japanese, this is a reference to the MC in the movie Ping-Pong (2002) shouting “I CAN FLY!” while jumping off of a bridge into a river. Now, this phrase is tagged to videos/illustrations related to jumping off of a high place, possibly with intent to suicide.